Remembering You

Just a ghost 

By: Anna Reese

Your pen used to have a writer

Guitar had a player

Your running shoes had someone

to wrap their laces ‘round tight

Now all they have got

is all of the dust

they’ve begun collecting

since you met him

what happened…

You used to set your own pace

you used rule your world

you lived your life

by the hummingbird approach

Now you’re just a ghost…

you claim you’re better

better than you’ve ever been.

Though you don’t realize

all the lies you’re living in

he’s taken your focus

he’s taken your drive

you can’t do anything

That he doesn’t like

He’s made you liar

he’s made you a shell

He took away your heaven

and moved you into hell.

You used to set your own pace

you used rule your world

you lived your life

by the hummingbird approach

Now you’re just a ghost…

This is a very short and quick poem I wrote in brief spurt of anger toward Ed. In case you’re unfamiliar, Ed is a personified acronym for Eating Disorder. I am not usually angry at my eating disorder very often so when I was, I knew I had to write the feelings down.

Ed does a very good job in making you forget who you were without him. After all, if we forget what life was like without an eating disorder, why would we want to try and get a life without an eating disorder through recovery? This is exactly what Ed wants and exactly what you need to try and counteract.

Try to give yourself—not ed—a voice whether it’s in the form of a scribbled poem, list, drawing, painting, etc. Try listening to the little part of you that is discontent with the way things are going. You might be surprised as to how exasperated your little voice may sound. I mean, after being smothered and blotted out by ed and all his demands, it’s probably not going to sound all that pleased. Below is a list of characteristics that made up some of who I was before I became so consumed with an eating disorder.

Favorite outdoor activities:

Running

Walking with my husband and my dogs

Picnicking

Hiking

cartwheeling

Weeding & Raking

Roller Blading

Favorite Hobbies:

Reading and writing poetry

Journaling

Songwriting & guitar playing

Photography and photo editing

Baking & cooking

Drinking coffee/ going for coffee

Things I love:

my husband

Acoustic guitars

2am conversations

Babies, children, anything to do with them

Stargazing

hummingbirds, foxes, butterflies and dolphins

Snowglobes

Small wooden boxes

Crayons and coloring

Coffee mugs and fountain pens

90’s Disney movies

My two puppies of course!

The company of my friends and family

Things I value:

Loyalty

Honesty & Trust

Family

Quirks:

I like mismatching socks

I like to hold imaginary concerts in the car with my iPod

I would prefer a record or a CD over a digital file of music any day

I love to clear the family room and dance my little heart out to old & new tunes.

I like the color purple and the number 13

I love crazy nail polish colors

I sometimes have to learn things the hard way.

I can be quite the stubborn individual

I am competitive, but will not act like it

My sense of humor can be dry sometimes

I do not like bacon

I think we can learn more from children than from our adult peers sometimes

I love hot coffee on a hot day

If you enchant me in any sort of way, I most likely have written about you somewhere

I would be barefoot all the time if I could

I am not a movie buff, but like a good movie

I prefer to know what happens in books and movies before I read/watch them

I appreciate sports and what they bring for others.

My favorite sports are Soccer, Rugby, and badminton.

I love hugs

I hate winter but love watching snow fall

I like autumn and spring both the same

I think rain is a very romantic thing

 

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